Our natural human instinct is to react to external stimuli—what would it take for you to convert your reactions into responses?
There is a huge difference between a reaction and a response. Suppose someone walks up and punches you in the arm; your reaction is to punch them back. But if you pause, even for a few moments, the incredible computer that is your brain can take stock of the situation. What is your history with this person? Are they joking or serious? Is there a flight option? And within a few seconds, you can craft a thoughtful response.
When you react, you get what you get. When you respond, you are more likely to get what you want.
Let me be very clear: there are times when a thoughtful response is not only NOT desirable, but also dangerous. If a small child is about to walk into the path of an oncoming car, that is not the time to brainstorm, “Well, I could shout their name, or I could alert their parents that their child is in danger, or…” No! You snatch the child out of the street!
Here’s an example, though, of the difference using a thoughtful response instead of reacting can make: Imagine you are out for a walk in the woods on a beautiful spring day, and as you come into a clearing, you see a mother bear and her three cubs twenty-five yards away on the other side of the clearing. They don’t immediately notice you, but your instinctual reaction is to make an “excited utterance,” such as, “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” This, of course, alerts the mother bear to your presence, where she in turn reacts as if you’re there to harm her cubs. So she strolls over and makes you into an afternoon bear snack. A thoughtful response, on the other hand, would be to quietly back out of the clearing upon seeing the bears, and go around them (or make sure you hike with a friend you can outrun).
How would a thoughtful response play out in a business scenario? Suppose you are a mid-level employee, grinding out your workday in a 10×10 cube. You’re always looking for ways to stand out and get on track to move up in the organization. One day, the CEO strolls by, stops at your cube, and says, “Johnson, we are organizing a new task force on customer engagement, and I think you would be a great addition to this group.”
What will you do? Your reaction is likely an instant, “Yes Sir, Mr. Smithers! I’m all in,” without even knowing what you just signed up for.
You’re on the spot; Mr. Smithers is waiting for an answer. You might say instead, “Well, I’m not sure I have the time.” But what a downer response that is! Mr. Smithers will walk off in a huff thinking you’re a loser.
A thoughtful response, however, might take into account gathering more information and ensuring you understand the time commitment and expected outcome. Therefore, you might say, “Mr. Smithers, I am excited to hear about this task force and that I might be an integral part of it. Before I commit and take this important task on, though, I would like to learn more information so I can make sure that all of the commitments I’ve already made to this department are covered.” See the difference? You are still imparting interest but also sharing that the everyday work you do is important.
We also need to think about how we, as managers and leaders, are successfully deploying thoughtful responses. Our reactions can truly injure and limit innovation. Consider a senior manager who is leading a brainstorming session with a group of employees: He has the flip chart out, pen in hand, and is encouraging ideas on how to get more traffic in the retail area of the business. “Come on!” he urges. “Anyone, just throw out an idea—any idea!”
Jones, a low-level accounting clerk, timidly raises his hand and says, “Sir, I think we should put a popcorn machine in the lobby.”
Mr. Smithers explodes. “Jones, that is the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard! A popcorn machine in the lobby? Why, the whole building would smell like butter! What do you think this is, a carnival? Now come on, somebody, anybody, give me an idea.”
Now, Sue was going to raise her hand, but she just saw Jones get squashed like a bug, so she quickly tucks her hand away, thinking her idea was not any better than Jones’. So, Mr. Smithers has allowed a poorly-timed reaction to ruin two active innovators. How devastating!
Even if we consider that Jones’ idea of a popcorn machine is, in fact, a bad idea, so what? You’re going to need about twenty-nine bad ideas to get one good one, and stifling innovation will not get you there. Jones may not offer any more ideas now at all. Suppose his 12th or 20th idea had been a home run that could have saved the company money or dramatically increased the customer experience. Only when you thoughtfully respond do you get to those later ideas. Mr. Smithers could have responded to the popcorn idea with, “Alright! That’s an idea we can capture,” or, “I like that you’re thinking! Keep ‘em coming.” Both of these responses provide encouragement without opining on the quality of the offered idea.
Take time to think about how you can craft thoughtful responses in situations when you would normally react. Start small and recognize each time you react when a response would have been preferable. Postmortem how you could have responded, then see if you can respond instead of react the next time that situation arises. Rinse, wash, and repeat.
Practice thoughtful responses, and you will start to see how the attitudes of your coworkers, your friends, your spouse, your children—literally everyone you come into contact with—will begin to change towards you. And that is getting what you want. Truly divine!